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Bob stared pensively at the empty plate, the cookie was gone and it was never coming back. Bob took another cookie out of the cookie box but compared to the one he had just had it tasted like dried eskimo, a penguins last resort in the unforgiving North.

Little did Bob know that the cookie he had just consumed was the most delicious cookie in the entire universe. It had been stolen a few months ago and hidden in Bob’s cookie box. Unfortunately for the thieves the galaxy police had been hot on their case and they had been unable to retrieve the cookie as they had originally planned.

Had Bob known that the second most delicious cookie in the world was being transferred from the “2nd most delicious museum in the galaxy” to Mike and Fred’s fridge aka “the most delicious museum in the galaxy” he would have been a bit more motivated to go out side. But Bob like most creatures living on earth had no idea that earth was a giant space train stop and the train transporting said cookie was going to pass by his house in a few minutes at 4:42:33:~&:22 Standard Universe Time. Earthlings not having the necessary sensors to perceive the last two fields of time made earth a great place to put a train station, it made sure that no one would try to sell you a news paper a major consideration for train station builders.

So the cookie went by Bob and Bob missed it, instead he thought back to a few months ago and his encounter with the killer whale. Bob had spotted the whale and immediately started to swim for the surface the whale only a few strokes behind him. In their haste neither one noticed Paris Hiltons yacht on surface and unfortunately for Paris she was swimming in the frigid waters at the time trying to lose some weight. That’s when Bob’s flipper and Paris Hiltons nose had made contact, the nose lost out on the exchange and the killer whale had been blinded by the flash of the paparazzi camera jumping out of a fake iceberg to take pictures of broken nose.

The paparazzi not being rich by nature didn’t have a yacht but also didn’t have enough money to buy proper dry suites so instead they were wearing artificial seal skins which looked just like real seal skin to the killer whale who then proceeded to eat all of them.

And so Bob wrote a note to Paris Hilton thanking her for breaking her nose at just the right time. He wanted to eat another cookie but he didn’t. They just didn’t taste that good.

Everything is better if it’s Brazilian,  you think I am joking but it’s true.  Here’s a few examples, dance vs Brazilian dance, football vs Brazilian football, wax vs. Brazilian wax.  You just can’t go wrong with adding Brazilian before any other word.  Judo vs. Brazilian Judo it even works with negative things, AIDS vs Brazilian AIDS.  I’d much rather have Brazilian AIDS than regular AIDS.  It’s exotic, it’s cool, it sounds like it came from a happy jungle.

As you might have guessed by now I am in Brazil.  I was in São Paulo for a few days and I am currently in Rio de Janeiro.  Everything you have ever heard about Brazilian people is true, they are by far the best looking people in the world.  I thought the girls in Australia were good looking but they have nothing on the Brazilians, remember when I said Toronto airport was just like a regular airport but someone had thrown a bucket of French at it ?  Well Brazil is just like your country only someone has thrown tub of model a sea of well sea water and the friggen Amazon forest at it.  So yeah it’s not at all like your (or mine) country.  But you want to know what is the coolest thing about being in this country of beautiful people ?  Everyone thinks I am Brazilian.  Yes you read that right apparently I look just like a local.  From the moment I set foot on the plane people have been throwing Portuguese at me.  This is an even better compliment that the one time a gay guy said I had a stylish jacket.

I remember reading that some Iranians who didn’t want to admit to being from Iran told people they were Italians (now they say they are Persian),  wow what idiocy, if you say you are Italian then you must have never read Nasy’s blog and her description of Italian mama’s boys.  No way in hell would I switch to Italian I don’t care if they recently won the world cup, it’s Brazilian all the way.

Of course it would unfair if there wasn’t anything wrong here and indeed there is a ridiculous difference between the rich and the poor with a very small middle class.  The result is that you are constantly worried about being robbed, my São Paulo co-worker has been robbed at gun point twice.  Your cell phone or laptop is worth so much more here that people are constantly getting robbed on their way out of meetings or from the airport.  Well those dumb tourists at least I am a local so I don’t have to worry as much.

I am not very good at controlling my impulses sometimes that’s a good thing and sometimes it’s a bad thing.  In any case here’s a good example of when it’s a bad thing.

I was back in Toronto last week for 2 nights and one of my co-workers told me about a great candy bar.  Something like a super-tastey kit-kat bar.  And who doesn’t like a kit-kat bar ?  I know I do.

So I went to store to buy one.  I thought hey a candy bar, it’s been a long day so I bought a candy bar.

But then I thought hmm maybe my gf would like one too, so I bought another one.

But then what if we both really liked the candy bar and wanted more ?  There wouldn’t be any more candy and who knows when I would be headed to Canada again.  So I should buy a backup candy bars just in case.  But if me and my gf both had candy bars and my friend came over he would be a bit jealous, and it wouldn’t be fair to not share with him.  I am sure he would like the candy bar as well so I got him a backup candy bar too.

But what about work ?  I could go to work and my co-workers would tell my boss that I had bought the candy bar but I didn’t get him anything.  So really I should have gotten my boss a candy bar as well and of course he would need a backup candy bar.  I think at this point I was sure no one would ever want just one.  I also bought another 2 for my sister.  If you wanted to keep track we are at 10 candy bars.

Of course I am a pretty nice guy so I didn’t forget about my mom, she would be pretty unhappy to hear I got my boss and my sister candy bars but I didn’t get her any so I got my mom some candy bar as well. 12 candy bars so far.

Well it goes without saying that Dad and some uncles would like some candy as well. Right ?

And of course once I got them candy I had to get my cousins candy as well.  After all it’s the new year and a time of giving.  I think I was hallucinating a bit at this point.

I am also ready in case complete strangers ask me for candy.

Also I didn’t forget about you dear reader I got you covered, not just you thought, you and a your backup candy bar are both covered.

So far this is how many candy bars have been consumed.

It turns out I don’t really like this candy bar that much.

Anyone wants to come over for some candy bars ?

And we will have the first NCAA championship since 1945.