So I was reading a story on the inquirer when I saw this paragraph.
“AMD is mad if it trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a horse’s health, a boy’s love or a whore’s oath. The firm [Intel. Ed.] said in the Q&A that it had an answer to AMD’s next generation too. This was the unkindest cut of all, but what’s gone and what’s past help should be past grief.

Intel’s cher price (tick: INTC) was up 38 cents and close to twenty dollars on the news. µ”

It’s like the writer just said fuck it, I am tired of writing tech stories. I honestly was waiting to see if Bob was going to make an appearance. Yeah yeah I know it’s from Shakespear but what does it have to do with Intel and AMD ?
Another interesting story is that of the pirate factory.

Next in line the pirates will pirate an entire country. Deep within China there are secret plans to pirate Luxumburg. Since no one knows jack about Luxumburg this will be an easy country to pirate. Luxumburg is dead all hail Luxumburg.

So I have been accused of thinking about sex too much as proof that this is completely and utterly false I will now present an essay on why I hate MSN chat.

You see back in the beginning. The world was good, you would use finger(1) to find out if people were online and if you wanted to talk to them you would just use talk(1) of course. If you were more adventurous and you wanted to talk to people from other systems you would go on IRC it actually stood for Internet Relay Chat. They even had webcams back then they were only for Macs and you could only talk to geeks at NASA. Mac geeks will remember CU-SeeMe.

Talk was like your first girlfriend, you never knew when she was going to put out and sometimes it was her special time of the month. Only she would have special times of the month every week. Talk didn’t know about smilies, didn’t want to know about smilies and would give you dirty looks if you even thought about using a : .

But then some idiot decided that everyone should be able to chat not just geeks and they came up with ICQ. To make it easy to use they forced everyone to use numbers as their username because that just makes so much sense. ICQ was a bit like a strict girlfriend who had way too much experience. Anything you could think of she had already done, nipple clamps ? She had over a dozen, handcuffs ? Yawn, that was so 1990s.

AOL of course had their own chat client AIM. AIM was more of a dominatrix, you had to obey her every command or she would punish you severely. AIM can we try something beside missionary ? Slap. Can I connect my webcam ? Kick to the groin. Yes AIM was truly that cold unaffectionate girlfriend we had all been looking for.

Then YIM came onto the scene. Now YIM was like a perky drunk college sorority girl. Always up for anything with anyone. YIM can we have a menage a trois ? Sure, no problem. YIM can I keep track of multiple partners and their telephone numbers ? Sure sure. YIM was truly the dumb girlfriend, she would pass anyones message along to you and then occasionally give you an STD. She didn’t do it on purpose, she was just dumb and really you had to forgive her dumbness.

And then along came Skype. Something like an elite princess, she was in a class all of her own. Her sing song voice would bring startled looks of amazement from those who were used to the likes of AOL, YIM, and MSN. In a fit of insane jealousy YIM took some singing lessons and tried to get one up on skype, but in the end failed miserably. Over a very short period of time, many came to wish to possess Skype as their own, in the end she was wed to a famous auctioneer.

And finally there was good old MSN. MSN didn’t ask if you liked her, she just moved right in and showed up in your bed naked, not only that it turned out you had no way of getting rid of her. Somehow she wrote her name on your lease. And worse than all of that she would constantly ask to see your wallet and to trust her with your bank account info. And unlike YIM her diseases were not the easily curable ones. One day you’d turn on the computer to find out she had gotten Ebola, you would ask but what happened instead she would vomit on you and your whole computer would die a sickly blue screen of death.

So yeah I don’t like MSN and I don’t think about sex too much either.

Bob typed as fast as he could, the manual was due next week, never mind that the product wasn’t going to be finished in time he had to get the manual in on time or he wouldn’t be paid. Greg was an asshole for the most part and enjoyed setting irrational deadlines for Bob.

“So how is the manual coming along ?” ahh speak of the devil, like most penguins on the Glacier of Opportunity Greg had snow white neck feathers and small black feathers on his back.

“Oh it’ll be ready next week, but it would nice if I got the specs at the same time as everyone else…” Bob hated the whining in his voice, he hated whining to Greg even more but he couldn’t help it. Everyone else had gotten the specs weeks ago unlike him. Then again they weren’t from South Pengistan. Bob’s thick black feathers and egg shell colored neck feathers set him apart from the other penguins working with him.

“Come on Bob, really you are in the Glacier of Opportunity, you shouldn’t complain this much.” Left unsaid was that if Bob was unhappy with his treatment he could always go back to South Pengistan.

Bob didn’t reply to Greg and watched as he walked away talking with Jim about their afternoon golf game while he would be working late again to finish the manual for the new product. And of course that night he would have to hear back from Dad again on how he was not as good as his ancestors. With a sigh Bob went back to writing the manual.

“Ahh Bob you are finally home” Bob couldn’t help but smile back at his Dad despite the fact that he would never get off his back about climbing up the social ladder.

“yeah sorry I am late Dad, they finally gave me the project specs two weeks after … “ Bob trailed off, he wondered if the long hours had finally gotten to him, first he had been complaining to Greg and now to Dad. Dad considered the Glacier of Opportunity heaven on earth, if there were problems they must have been caused by Bob.

“Musammba you must remember your ancestors, they survived the great asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs, look at me if I had your attitude I would have never been able to sneak you off inside that oil tanker…” Ahh speech #23 and it looked like he was going to get the long version tonight. Whenever Dad used Bob’s real name he knew it was going to be a long one. Bub Bob knew how to handle this situation.

“ahh Dad I would love to spend more time talking about this but I have a date with Jennifer.” Bob wasn’t particularly fond of Jennifer, for one thing the main reason she was dating him was because of where he was from. Jennifer loved going to South Pengistani restaurants and even spoke a few words of Pengistani, in her mind it made her a better person. She was performing a social service by dating Bob, never mind that she still played golf in an exclusive club where Bob wasn’t allowed in by himself. What was important that here she was dating an immigrant, in her mind that made her better than the rest of her rich friends who were afraid of even speaking with a South Pengistani penguin.

“ok Bob, now you be nice to Jennifer she is a great girl” Of course Dad loved Jennifer, she would listen to all his stories and always compliment him. Bob wondered what dad would say if he told him he was thinking of breaking up with Jennifer.

“Don’t stay up late” Bob didn’t really have a date with Jennifer that night but he really didn’t want to hear the story of their migration again. He had been hearing that story since he was a small chick, he could probably repeat it in his sleep.

Bob walked into the small dim diner and sat down, he didn’t have to order his usual order would be at his side in a few minutes. Bob turned to his left to ask his fellow diner if they were done with the sport sections and that’s when he saw her.

The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
H. L. Mencken (1880 – 1956)

I was finally paid today in cash no less after working for over 2 months. Looking at the cash I didn’t feel any joy or happiness, I was just a bit relived that I didn’t have to make any more trips to the ATM. I am spending about $500 USD a month living in Taipei which is not bad when you consider that my rent in LA was $1300 a month. Of course the pay was scaled down accordingly after working part time for 2 months I have made as much as I would have at my old job in 2 weeks, after taxes, on a bad week.
This morning I was talking to a few classmates and got to tell this old joke.

“An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American banker complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quantity of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied “Only a little while”.
The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Mexican then said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”
The American scoffed: “I am a Harvard MBA and I could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat.”
“With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery.”
“You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you will run your expanded enterprise.”
The Mexican asked; “But how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15 to 20 years.”
“But what then?”
The American laughed and said: “That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich.
You would make millions.”
“Millions…..then what?”
The American said: “Then you would retire, move to a small coastal village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.” “

It’s great because it’s true. Money is after all just a means to a goal, and if you don’t have a goal then it’s pretty much useless.
Now on the subject of money I have a question for you dear readers, the blog has been getting more hits recently (must be the Bob stories) and I am even ranking on the first page of google image search for a very very competitive porn term (no I am not telling you what that term is). Thgallere y is getting more and more hits everyday and I have finally thought about putting ads on the site. In the past I have always avoided ads because 1) I find them annoying in general 2) I didn’t think they would make enough money. But now that the blog has become a bit more popular the ads might actually make enough money to pay my hosting fees which would be great.
What do you guys think ? Should I put ads on the site or keep it ad free ?

He could smell fear in the back of his throat, he had to waddle faster, faster always faster. It was never fast enough no matter how hard he tried. A piece of ice tripped him and before he could get up it was on him its jaws closing over his throat.

Bob woke up, he was having a familiar nightmare, being chased by a polar bear. Bob was tired of being afraid, never knowing when the end was coming. Bob was done being afraid he was going to do something about this.

Bob walked out and grabbed his gun but he hesitated, it was just a dream after all, you couldn’t kill someone because you were afraid in your dreams could you ? Bob posed and sent a silent prayer to Glacier the ancient penguin prophet. Glacier had brought forth the word of the Deep Blue, the bluest clearest ice underneath the north pole which all penguins worshiped. Deep Blue knew all and waited beyond the great veil for all penguins good or bad. His judgment was final.

In the silent arctic night a light glittered and the ice beneath Bob’s feet came alive with light, Bob stared down at his feet mesmerized by the play of light.

“Oh Deep Blue what is thy wish ?” Bob was amazed that he could whisper the words through his choked up beak.

“You must kill the bears, they must all be killed, this is the wish of Deep Blue” A voice colder and more ancient than Bob could have imagined came to him on the wings of the arctic wind.

“Yes my Lord, thy will be done” Bob bowed deeply.

“You can skip with the bowing, really and call me DB” The voice was no longer cold and ancient and Bob thought he could hear a faint music in the background.

“Yes your DPness I shall do as you wish, umm what is DP ?” Said a puzzled Bob he was almost sure that the background music was rap and not only that it was old school.

“It’s my street name, you like it ?” Bob was not quiet sure what to say to this, first God apparently had a rap name, it wasn’t a particularly good one at that and he was asking him of all people what he thought of it. This was one of those times that honesty was not the best policy. Bob remembered back to his youth and the few passages that he remembered about Deep Blue, there were a lot of melting ice, penguins dying and plagues of shrimp mostly for pretty petty things.

“So DP now that we are jiggy with it, what is it that you require of me ?” Bob really wanted to go back to sleep but here he was with God who apparently was a bit late to the rap scene and a bit on the maniacal side.

“It’s about the polar bears, they no longer believe in me and it’s about time to put a cap in their ass.” Bob was sure it was Kris Kros in the background. And put a cap in their ass who said things like that ?

“Ahh DP all I have is this one gun, the bears are pretty far to the North, I am not sure I could make it there on my own, couldn’t I just sacrifice my first born to you and you’d save him at the last minute ? I know everyone likes that one.” Bob hoped DP would lose interest in the invasion, maybe he could tell him about 50 cent.

“No, this is unacceptable an example needs to be set, or do I need to start with you ?”

“No no, your DPness, I’ll gather everyone around, you leave it to me.” He was just a penguin what choice did he have really.

“Are you sure about this Bob, is that what he really said ?” The other penguins shuffled their feet uncomfortable with their new leader.

“Yes and if we don’t follow his word he will send a plague of crabs.” Bob hoped DP would not begrudge him upgrading the story a bit, he wondered if other prophets had to do the same thing, Did Moses have to make up stories about tablets ?

“But I like crabs, they are pretty tasty.” There was one in every crowd, Bob thought, some bastard that had to bring up a point.

“Yes but these are penguin eating crabs, now who wants a plague of those ?” No one would meet his eyes, you could scrape the fear off the ground it was a palpable thing moving around them, the fear of penguin eating crabs. Bob almost recanted but then thought about those old stories and stayed silent. And so the great penguin war began.

2 months later.

“DP is this enough ? “ Bob hoped DP wouldn’t insist on them invading Canada, they had been killing for days, but DP was a hungry God.

“What oh no you need to keep on going for just a bit longer” Bob wasn’t sure but DP sounded a bit drunk and in the background Bob was sure he heard the sound of a familiar scream.

“Wait was that Squeeky I just heard, is he in heaven ?” Squeeky had been killed by a suicidal polar bear only a few weeks ago.

“What heaven, oh yeah he’s here in heaven” Bob thought it was a bit undignified of DP to be giggling but who was he to judge he was after all just a penguin.

“Well I am glad he’s made it what with his drinking and all those drugs, plus there was that one time that he stole candy from a baby penguin…” Bob trailed off there was no way Squeeky had made it to heaven, I mean maybe purgatory but not heaven, his record was just too spotty but if this wasn’t DP then …

“Who are you ?” Bob hoped the fear he felt was out of his voice.

“ahh it took you long enough to ask, my name is Deep Red” Said a voice that no longer resembled anything but that of a whiny child.

“What the penguin who defied Deep Blue and was cast down to the beach ?” Bob’s feet were one with the frozen ground, all those dead penguins, the dead polar bears all of it so needless.

“Yeah one and the same, I gotta say thank you Bob for the penguin eating crabs, I don’t know how I would have done it without you. You really put the fear of Deep Blue into them.” The voice had an ugly tone to it, but Bob didn’t care, all of this was for nothing but where was Deep Blue ?

“But where is Deep Blue ? How could he have let you deceive us like this ? Why has he abandoned us ?” The pain started on his left side and was working its way down, Bob had never felt more hopeless.

“Deep Blue ? What did you expect ? That he would be here for you no matter what ? You forgot about that little thing he gave you called a brain didn’t you ? You didn’t do any thinking did you ? You just saw a light on a strange ice berg and decided to go on a killing spree and somehow it’s Deep Blue’s fault ?” The voice was positively gloating.

“But .. but… in the book it says…” Bob didn’t know what to say.

“ha! Did you see them write the book, were you there for all of those things ? I bet you believe in fairies too don’t you ? You wanted someone to tell you what to do so I did, you should be thanking me not complaining.”

Bob stared at the sky for a few minutes the stars held no answers for him but slowly he let his gun drop. He then turned around and started to walk back home.

“What you are going back home ? It’s too late now, you have to finish the job, stay the course, or else those polar bears will come and get you.” There was a bit of a tremor in Deep Reds voice.

“No it’s ok, you made me realize something I should have never forgotten in the first place, Deep Blue gave me a brain, instead of listening to my fears I should have listened to my brain. What if someone decides that we are not allowed to eat clams anymore ? Should I stop eating clams for the rest of my life ? The one thing I have learned from all of this is that it’s better to think than let other beings do your thinking for you. And now if you excuse me I have some sleep to catch up on, nightmares or no nightmares.”

As Bob walked back home he was joined by another penguin with an impressive belly and a bald head. Before Bob could say anything the other penguin said “ahh my brother let me tell you about enlightenment and the great Buddah.”