Bob goes medieval on a polar bears ass.
Bob gets some.
Bob on FOX news.
Bob’s views on abortion.
Bob and God
Bob’s views on pre-marital sex.
Bob and gardening.
Bob and fish a forbidden love story.

So these are the titles of Bob stories I am planning on writing but then someone asked for a funny Bob story. I am not sure I can make Bob funny or sad Bob is just Bob he’s neither happy nor sad he’s just Bob. Well he is sad about not being a well dressed penguin but life could be worse, I mean he could be missing a flipper so all is not lost. In other news life has been getting a bit busy with school and work so I am not going to be posting on a regular basis, you probably just want to open an account on www.bloglines.com. And add the blog to it so you’ll see the update without having to check back on a regular basis.
BTW I don’t particularly like this Bob story so you migth want to skip it.

Bob has a one night stand.

story deleted because it sucked

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ok one person read the story and made me re-post it. But I still dont’ like it.

Bob walked into the bar and thought to himself the bar could have been on any iceberg and it wouldn’t have made any difference. There was a sport program on tv, a few old timers reading the paper and talking about the days where there was ice as far as the eye could see and a bored looking barpenguin.

Bob bought himself a shot of clear ice and sat at the corner to be alone with his thoughts. As he drank his shot he noticed her. She had been pretty once but her beauty was hidden beneath the mask of life now. She took in the scene quickly, Bob, the old timers and the TV. And yet she didn’t leave, this didn’t bode well for her Bob though. She should have left she should have been smart, who starts drinking at 8pm ?

Bob concentrated on her beak, forced himself to see nothing but her beak to ignore all the other flaws that life had inflicted on her over time. Bob suddenly realized that they were talking, when did this happen ? not that it mattered Bob watched himself making small talk with her and suddenly realized that she was doing the same thing, she was watching herself talk to him just as he was. To make things easier Bob suggested they head over back to his place for an early night cap, they both knew that one thing would lead to another but of course that coudln’t be mentioned. This was just a one time thing, neither one of them wanted to be alone with their thoughts that evening.

It was all over in a few hours, a few drinks talks about a popular TV show and now they were done. Bob could tell she wanted him to ask her to stay but it had been a mistake to invite her back in the first place. All he had wanted was a few moments away from his own thoughts, he would have been better off just downloading some penguin porn instead of inviting her back not that it mattered now, she read his face like an open book and for a moment Bob felt a sharp pain in his chest. The pain of breaking another piece of her heart like so many other penguin had before him. Bob didn’t look up as she walked out, he didn’t say good bye, he simply closed the door and sat in front of the tv alone again.

Happy new year! It’s actually nice/balmy and springy here in Taipei, hopefully it’s warm where you are too.

What was supermans religion ? Yeah me neither but here you can find it anyways. Not that many muslim superheros.

Yeah yeah I know no Bob stories lately been a bit busy will try to get one out soon.

Bob won he won!!!!yay I just turned on the TV and saw Bob’s movie winning best documentary. This is cause for eating suhi. !!!!!!!!! Congrats to Bob and his family.

Hi Readers,
I don’t usually address you in this fashion but today we are suspending our regular Bob stories and having a serious talk. You guys have been with me for a long time, you were there for that half-marathon I still casually drop in conversations and you were there when I fainted in the wedding. Through all of this you have stood by me without fail which is why today I feel empowered to share something with all of you. I have a fetish. I have have always been embarrassed to tell anyone about my fetish but you guys have been with me for so long that I feel I can trust you.

I have a fetish for words, I like the short ones, the long ones and the complicated ones. I love how they roll off the tongue, how they sound heck I even love their roots (etymology, entomology, endocrinology… I am getting a buzz just typing this). That doesn’t mean that I try to use the complicated ones all the time heck I am smart enough to know that my vocabulary isn’t big enough to make proper use of them. Sometimes a word will get stuck in my head and I can’t get rid of it no matter what, that word lately has been “iridescent” I’ve been dying to use it somewhere, I go to sleep thinking about a post in which I could use the word “iridescent” without sounding like an asshole unfortunately I couldn’t think of any, heck look at the example they give on Answers.com. “The prelude was as iridescent as a prism in a morning room” (Carson McCullers). If a guy with a name like Carson McCullers can’t use iridescent without sounding like an asshole there’s no hope for someone named Asad. Just look at this “The prelude was as iridescent as a prism in a morning room” (Asad), seriously the sentence already looks worse, I have a vague desire to punch that Asad guy in the face for using prism , prelude and iridescent all in the same sentence, there’s just no need for that he’s clearly trying to show off and needs a beating to bring him back to his senses. A better sentence would have been “The sky was shiny and iridescent” (Asad) see all better now, instead of wanting to kick me in the nuts you just want to slap me upside the head and change the sentence to “The sky was blue” (Asad), yeah see that’s much more my style of writing and no one needs to beat anyone.

Words I tell you powerful stuff, let’s consider another one “antediluvian”, for the past 8 years I’ve kept a running counter in my head for the number of times I have seen this word in the wild(let’s not talk about the number of times I’ve had to look up its proper spelling including just now). The counter stands at 4, the first time I saw it was in Hyperion where I went wtf and I had to look it up, after that I saw it in article in the NY Times (the author was clearly reaching) and then in a stupid blog where the owner was in love with the sounds of her own words (she has a book deal now), the last time I saw “antediluvian” in the wild was in The Da Vinci Code, you can check it. Dan Brown actually uses all the other synonyms for old before getting to “antediluvian” so I gotta respect him for that, he also uses a word that means cold and empty like a crypt I don’t remember what that word was I mean what kind of idiot goes around memorizing random words.

So now that you know all about my word fetish you can understand my love for firedavidbrooks.blogspot.com at its heart it’s a blog about words and the journalists who abuse them. I had to stop reading it at work because otherwise I would have fallen off of my chair giggling like a choir boy at his first confessions (btw is there a status of limitation making choir boy/priest joke ? Will I get a memo ? At which point is it ok to move on to the infidels and the jihadists ?).

Tune in next week where I try to casually use the word digress and take issue with BP for posting things like this.