Death, the word alone is taboo in the states. You rarely see anyone talk about it unless it?s in a much larger context like Iraq. I?ve always looked down a bit on people who couldn?t accept death. Maybe it was because living in Iran during the war you got used to it. It was everywhere, you grew up with it, you breathed it in and out. Since you never knew if that was the last time you would see friends and family it made you be a bit nicer to others.
Death was with our family from an early age my mothers youngest sister was killed by the SAVAK because she distributed anti-Shah papers, my mothers only brother came back with a bloody shirt from black Friday, the guy next to him was shot. This was pretty common back then a lot of people were affected in one way or another.
I accepted the war and the death it brought easily. The earliest memories I have of Iran are from the shores of the Karoun river not far from Ahwaz in a small university town called Molasani. I remember watching the Migs and the F-14s fight it out above our house as refuges camped out in front of our garage. Finally I remember leaving the small community and the house behind, our belonging packed up in the car the rental truck leading the way. Our dog was too big to come with us and so ran after the car for a while before giving up. I remember worrying about him, he was not a very brave dog as he was once beaten up by a cat. The car was a rather new Mercedes that my dad had bought from the factory in Germany and driven to Iran during my parents honeymoon. It?s still running in Kermanshah under one of my dads oldest friends.
By the time we made it to Kermanshah we all knew the war wasn?t going to be over very soon. We settled in the routine of buying rationed goods and going to school. The bombings didn?t take long to start. We started to put up big Xs on the windows to protect against the broken glass. It?s amazing how easily you accept things you can?t change. The houses that were destroyed the cousin who was killed while his family drove to Tehran. It was just part of life, the cemetery was a busy place.
Years later when one of my mothers sisters passed away from cancer I dealt with it pretty well. I called up my cousins and my aunt at the hospital. My grand-aunts, my dads cousin who drove an ambulance during the war and whose son I grew up with. My grandfather who I saw on his last days 5 years ago on my last visit to Iran. I accepted all their departures, shook hands with the family and well-wishers or gave my condolences.
It wasn?t easy but it was bearable. It was part of life; accidents happen, wars happen, people get cancer I can accept all of that. It doesn?t make it any easier but there?s a system in place for thinking about it, dealing with it and filing it away.
Jason?s death I can?t accept no matter how much time has passed. It?s been 2 years since I found out that Jason had been murdered.
Jason and I worked at my second real job after college (the first one I quit after 5 months) at a startup in silicon valley. I was a transplant from NJ and he was a transplant from Canada. He thought me how to play darts and I tried to teach him how to play ping-pong. We drank a lot and we worked a lot. When the company finally went bust he decided to go back to Canada to visit his family even though he had another job offer and could have stayed. He was going to come back the next year and I was going to go visit him that summer, plans were made for picking up girls, drinking, and eating fresh lobster freshly caught. When I couldn?t find a job right away he offered me a place to live. About a week later I saw an email from his old roommate, it was short. It said very simply
I’m sorry to have to post sad news. It is always hard to hear
when someone passes, especially, friend and colleague that touched
so many lives. Jason Gates had been shot and has passed on,
murdered back home in Canada.
I’ve got this horrible news from his uncle Dan this morning.
The funeral is tomorrow 12.20.2002
I couldn?t believe it, it had to be a joke but it wasn?t funny. A quick search turned up an article. I wrote to his sister, me and the rest of his friends kept track of the trial and a lot of us wrote to the court. His murderers got pretty stiff sentences but that really didn?t make any difference. I still miss him. I was watching Bowling for Columbine when Moore mentions the low rate of murder and especially deadly use of guns in Canada. It?s funny to think of my friend as a statistic in a movie but I guess that?s what he is now. It?s amazing how much you can miss a friend you haven?t seen in so long and you know you won?t ever see again. Out of all the friends and relatives who have passed on Jason is the only one to pop in my head unannounced. Why ? His sudden departure? Most deaths are unannounced. Will he fade away with time and join the other memories ? somehow I don?t think so. Jason will always be missed by some people and maybe for some people that?s the way it should be.
